Blondeee

Q: What do you call it when a blonde dies their hair brunette?

blondeee — Thu, 16 Oct 2008 17:00:49 +0000

A: Artificial intelligence.

You know normally that joke would only get a small chuckle out of me, but today I ran across a true example. this lady

I know, first hand, it is quite a surreal experience to go from a blonde to a brunette…but honestly people…

A blonde dyed her hair to the color of a burnette because she wanted to seem smarter. One day she was driving down the road and saw a farmer. She said to him “if i can guess how man sheep you have can I have one?” He agreed. She guessed 150 and the farmer counted the sheep and she was right. As she was loading the sheep into the trunk the farmer said “if I can guess your real hair color can I have my dog back?”

Q: Why was the blonde upset when she got her Driver’s License?

blondeee — Fri, 15 Aug 2008 19:54:02 +0000

A: Because she got an F in sex

It’s only funny, because no blonde could even get an F in sex….

Smart Blonde

blondeee — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 22:04:32 +0000

A blonde walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer.She says she’s going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000.00.The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for the loan,so the blonde hands over the keys to a new Rolls Royce.The car is parked on the street in front of the bank; she has the title andeverything checks out. The bank agrees to accept the car as collateral forthe loan. The bank’s president and its officers all enjoy a good laugh atthe blonde for using a $250,000.00 Rolls Royce as collateral against a$5,000.00 loan. An employee of the bank then proceeds to drive the Rollsinto the bank’s underground garage and parks it there.Two weeks later, the blonde returns, repays the $5,000.00 and the interest,which comes to $15.41. The loan officer says, “Miss, we are very happy tohave had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely,but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you outand found that you are a multimillionaire. What puzzles us is, why would you botherto borrow $5,000.00?” The blonde replies, “Where else in New York City can I park mycar for two weeks for only $15.41 and expect it to be there when I return?”

Reading signs

blondeee — Wed, 23 Jul 2008 21:52:53 +0000

Everything happens for a reason right? And they say if you pay close enough attention, that you can see signs that lead to every conclusion and right decision in life. That’s why you should always follow your gut.

Say if you are getting in the car with a side-dish guy (tsk tsk) and Justin Timberlake’s “what goes around, comes around” comes on the radio…..

Or.. you smash a table with your ass the day before your boss installs a gym in the back … well maybe that was more an example of cause and effect..

But I think you get my point, those little things that happen that coincidently foreshadow a more significant event.

Recently I took it upon myself to “go green” (sort of) and walk my happy butt to work.

At first, I did not mind at all. It was nice to get an hours walk in daily, and was a lot cheaper than filling my gas tank every week. I just brought a book and read through the whole train ride, and lip synced my way to work. The problem came when I finished my book, I had nothing to do other than avoid eye contact with the passengers sitting around me. I started to realize how much I had blocked out with my concentration on cultural theories of society… the stares, the fidgeting, heavy breathing, the smells….

I realized how I completely ignored all signs of possible danger. So as I stepped off the train, I decided I needed to pay extra close attention to my surroundings. People buzzing past me at a rapid pace, I tried to make a point of recognizing something unique about each one. Glancing rapidly in every direction. I give an awkward hello to the guy selling newspapers, and wonder why he is selling newspapers… why was he saying hello. something must not be right.. All I had was a quick cut through the parking lot and I would be home free.

Once Im out, I start to relax. I had to laugh at myself for being so paranoid.. Thinking I should call my sister to give her a few chuckles over my anxiety attack. As I pull my phone out of my bag, something caught my eye just a few feet away. I turn around to take a second glance.. and …

Needless to say, I don’t walk to work anymore. But hey, at least I don’t drive a Hummer.

Car Shopping is exhausting

blondeee — Wed, 23 Jul 2008 07:42:06 +0000

My fiance and I have been searching online, and through dealerships for a car that we both can agree on. It’s a lot harder than it sounds. I want small and classy, and he wants big and obnoxious (not quite hummer, but SUVs are all the same to me).So after, months, days and hours of arguing (and making up ) back and forth over a variety of cars, we finally decided to put a stop to this nonsense. We came to our conclusion this evening, of compromise… I can get whatever car I want as long as it comes equipped with blonde star…

Saving Cash and ASS

blondeee — Tue, 22 Jul 2008 18:20:21 +0000

Exercise 1- Wash your own CaR!

Who doesn’t enjoy a clean car? The gas station car washes cost almost $10 and don’t even work all that great. My car is always left with water spots and I have to manually wash the windows anyway..And true, you could take the car down to the ~~illegal~~ car wash and have the mexicans ~~rub one out~~ scrub til it your car sparkles. But that could easily cost you upwards of $20, and you have to deal the awkward stares and lick lipping as they caress your car….Besides, washing your car yourself is a good way to burn some extra calories. Depending on your weight and current health conditions, you can burn hundreds of calories, just playing with a hose… wait I mean.. by getting wet… I mean.. rubbing… Ill stop.But that bring up another advantage of washing your own car, it can be pretty damn sexy (mainly for ladies… but guys too… just resist the urge of the infamous speedo.. not going to help). And for all the clueless.. I found a tutorial, on how to wash your car “the sexy way”. Not sure I agree, could have been so much better… but I will leave that for you to decide.Then there is always the laughable well-known Paris fromping (is that a word?) on top of a car. I say laughable because you know that is the only way she would ever wash a car. Well paid, on camera, in a skimpy suit… Ahhh.. to be Paris..But for those of you who are not into ~~meatless whores~~ meatless prostitutes…
And if you are smart (and hot enough) you can get paid to wash someone elses car. It still baffles me that there has yet to be a female dominated car wash. Think of the fun, the tips and not to mention calories burned.
SO IT IS THAT TIME!
Squeeze into those suits, grab a bucket, some soap and a sponge. Time to get dirty- to get clean.

Thin-spiration!

blondeee — Wed, 16 Jul 2008 20:52:31 +0000

On the Wednesday before our work-less day of patriotism (July 4th), I came to the depressing realization of just how American I really am.

You see, I stepped outside for a quick break away from the turmoil of that thing we call “work” and planted my butt on a rickety old bench/table. Minding my business, twirling my hair envisioning how this holiday weekend would go with a husband who doesn’t celebrate much of anything (other then Manchester United winning a game). Trying to brainstorm ways of convincing him to buy some fireworks… and why drinking and playing with fire really isn’t that bad… When it hit me… or I guess I hit it… the ground.. with my ass. The bench/table shattered beneath me leaving me with bruises that resembled a globe across my backside. After contemplation of denying any knowledge of the incident, I decided to tell my boss… who had planned on taking the “50 year old, family owned antique” home that afternoon. Then proceeding to compare my overgrown excuse for an ass to a natural disaster..

That is when I decided it’s time to De-Americanize… on a constant diet.

It is finally time to start counting those calories… pounds…days… and dreaded minutes of forced exercise… This means I need to keep the motivation rolling in. I always found it helpful to ~~drool over~~ look at sexy women. No I am not a lesbian, I just know how to truly appreciate the female body That is where the thin-spiration comes in.

No, not anerexic .. ~~meatless whores~~.. but the true definition of a feminine figure “MAMACITA”.. ass, tits and curves need/do apply.

But rather then bore you with my stats and progress, I figure it would be fun to share the thin-spiration.

Over the next couple weeks we will go over the pros and cons of the female figure… but for now I want you to let me know who (in your opinion) possesses the ideal female figure.

http://www.lorineedsfriends.com/

In Beverly Hills… they don’t throw their garbage away. They make it into television shows.

blondeee — Mon, 21 Apr 2008 03:08:45 +0000

whats pointless? an egg?

blondeee — Thu, 17 Apr 2008 01:51:44 +0000

Do you ever try to make sense of things that really don’t matter? ya me too… especially life. Wow, that was an emo thing to say. That’s not what I was trying to make reference too… guess its just been that kind of wednesday.

anyways, I was speaking of things like “did the chicken or the egg come first?”, then you sit and think to yourself, picturing a little chicki bursting from the shell then you remember to think back to where the egg popped out of… then you mind runs in a circle for bit (longer time if your blonde, imagine the torture) then you try to think of a logical answer that takes you down the scientific route.. molecules and things, trying to think of a way that the chicken/egg could have formed without the other. Now seeming as no one can figure that out, we play the religion card. God put the chicken/egg there. By that point you, there is no point. You start to wonder why you spent so much time thinking about something that really doesnt matter.

They only time it would matter is in the situation pictured.

Point, of “no point” taken?

foreplay

blondeee — Fri, 29 Feb 2008 23:08:25 +0000